If sitting down with a six for a fiver and non-stop WTF?! moments
along with several of your mates is your idea of a good night, then
may we suggest James Nguyen's atrocity, nay slanderous assault
on all that makes cinema fine. Heralded as the new Best Worst Movie,
Birdemic: Shock and Terror has swiped that shit encrusted crown from
the head of Tommy Wiseau's The Room and secured it firmly onto it's
own, forcep mangled head.
Make no mistake, Birdemic manages to be so far devoid of talent that
one has to wonder if talent and skill were even something that had
mistakenly crossed paths with any of the the poor folks unfortunate
enough to have their names attached to the never-ending scrolling
credits... both at the beginning and the end of this celluloid debacle.
Debacle is not a word to be bandied about lightly, this is not a minor
failure, this is a complete and utter failure on par with some of the
greatest, we are talking none other than the Chernobyl of recent
cinematic failure.
From the pointless and pointlessly long opening sequence of a car
driving down a motorway, we are certainly expecting something to
happen at the end of this journey. Alas, this is no Odyssey, though it
may feel it, it's merely a ride to the local cafe, where upon a chance
meeting reintroduces our protagonists to each other and we first see
the twinklings of a flame destined to burn bright with love. Mixed
between the burgeoning love affair and murmurs of an impending avian
invasion is the well crafted and subtle subtext of the terrifying
reality and devastation of Global Warming.
As the affair is about to blossom and bloom into love, our lovers are
attacked by diving bombing, complete with V2 styled sound effects
and exploding birds. The lovers only chance is to arm themselves with
coat-hangers and battle their way to freedom and survival as this
romantic thriller becomes road movie horror complete with random and
dangerous encounters.
Not being the sort to fill you with spoilers, we shall avoid giving
away many of the twists and turns of the story, partly because it was
difficult to tell if they were twists or just randomly inserted
elements due to a misunderstanding of how to tell a story.
Not wanting to disregard the efforts of anyone who is willing to put
forth said effort to stand in front of a camera and make an ass of
themself, it's probably best not to go into to much detail about the
near paralytic nature of the delivery of lines or while we're at it,
walk down the street...
Not feeling the need to get too bogged down in various cinematic
terms we'll avoid discussing the abrupt, non sequitur nature of both the
film and sound editing. Suffice to say that without a doubt, James Nguyen
through accident, and it could only be accident, has single-handedly
managed to create one of the finest examples of just how dangerous a beast
a Film Director can be when left to his own devices.
This is a must see for fans of the terrible. Blood Feast, Troll 2 and
The Room? Love them? This is for you!!!
Visit the Birdemic site here
or the Facebook fanpage here
Josh.
